n0mada what?

It's freezing on the other side

2011-12-28T08:43:00.001-06:00

I had a dream. I saw her smile. It was like it never left, but then she was gone. She was replaced by the bizarre and unfamiliar. I still miss her and her silly ways. And I often wonder if I'll ever stop comparing. A couple of times I haven't, but they've never known that they were special enough to not have to walk the coals.

what's the real reason?

2011-10-06T02:10:00.000-05:00

maybe i sent the text just wanting you to know how much i appreciate you, though it's no longer my place to appreciate you. maybe i sent it to remind me. you called and wanted to know these things. why why why? in the end, i'm glad that you're happy and healthy. it is crazy living life and having to accept that everything is just as it should be, when the way it is sucks. every time i open that door, it is slammed in my face. every time it is slammed, I am reminded of how you let me open it and not have to bother to lock it. I am reminded of everything you chose to not make an issue, because that was all stuff that was just me, and it was ok to be just me.

now i meet others. they are much like you, circumstantially. but that is all. guarded, quick to judgement, eager to flee, so scared to take a step, so unable to let my past be my past. i'm still me. i'm too honest, so impulsive, so obsessive...but without anger. without the need to destroy a castle with my bare hands. and perhaps it's not a castle, but more a straw hut, as it would seem a castle would be so much more difficult to demolish.

i've intended to write more

2011-09-22T21:22:00.001-05:00

it just never happens. i want something different to write about, but i just can't find it. i've disconnected my blog from facebook. i feel so deflated.

I wonder...

2011-09-09T00:05:00.001-05:00

I wonder what it is? So sweet yet fiery. It radiates.

And Verizon, you still actually need to send a guy out to connect some wires. He'll have to actually get in or on a vehicle and drive and use some tools.

Love. Love is supernatural.

2011-08-14T21:12:00.001-05:00

LI've started watching this show on Hulu, LXD The Legion of Extraordinary Dancers. The episodes are under 10 minutes long. Most of that time they act through dance. There is a narrator at the beginning of each episode and he seems very knowing and... stoic? The episodes where they break dance are awesome.

Things are good. Just working and hanging out. I'm very ready to go to cancun.

I'm not doing anything today anyways

2011-05-17T12:02:00.002-05:00

I've accomplished nothing. I'm sure there's something I should be doing, but it's not happening...so what the hell...maybe I'll just write something on here.

Last weekend was great. Went out on Friday with some friends...good times.

Woke up early on Saturday and drove on down to Fredericksburg to meet up with the family for Tasha's birthday. Had lunch at the Fredericksburg Pizza Kitchen. That was a damn good pizza. I was starved after the previous night. After that we went to Woodrose Winery. I wasn't really a fan of any of the wines I tried but had a glass of Tempranillo that was good. Then it was off to some wildflower center place? I don't know, let's call it nursery on crack. It was pretty damn big, but I found all I needed in a cooler (Lone Star Light) and a table in the shade. After killing some time there we made our way into Hye for a tour at the Garrison Brothers Distillery...they make bourbon. I was in awe. I also learned a ton about bourbon. We got to taste the white stuff before it's aged in barrels (135 proof). It actually tasted pretty damn good but, yep, you guessed it, burned like hell. We all ended up buying bottles at the liquor store down the road (the distillery can't sell it, it's prohibited)...one day I'll crack that one open. It was about dinner time so we made a quick trip back into Fredericksburg and I got checked in at the Motel 6 (I live large like that). Then it was off to Alamo Springs Cafe for some damn good burgers...wow. I don't know what that thing weighed but it was damn good. I'd highly recommend it, and if you go for dinner you can walk down and view the bats in the evening. Also they have self serve drinks...want a beer, just go grab one. want some wine, just grab a bottle or pour a glass...After all that we headed over to where Philip and Tasha were staying behind Auslander's and had some drinks till well past the time they stopped playing music for us.

On Sunday we met up for lunch. Don't remember the name of the place, but it was good. damn, i ate way too many burgers lol. Then I had to cut out. I drove out to Georgetown (and got to sit on 281 while they dealt with a rollover) to pick up Brandon and we went to the Frank Erwin Center to see WWE Smackdown. Our seats ended up being right by the entrance aisle and it was a great time. The main thing I would say about going to see wrestling. If you've got small children, buy a seat off the floor so your 4 year old can see. Otherwise you will look like an ass trying to scream at hundreds of people in front of you standing up trying to get them to sit down. It's wrestling, not the opera. If it would have been televised, someone with a sign would have been standing up with it in the air the whole time. Anyways, Brandon and I had a blast and he got to give a bunch of wrestlers five and yell "you suck" at a bunch of them up close and personal. Dusty Rhodes was there all Longhorned out...that dude's a cool cat. I don't know how many late nights I spent awake watching that dude cut his forehead open gushing blood just for my viewing pleasure. And he brought some kid who won a dance off back stage..lucky kid.

Anyways, since then (and finally getting home 10pm on Sunday), it's been back to the grind. Made my way out to Round Rock for a few drinks with some friends at Quinn's. It was a good time. I suppose I should actually try to do some work now, though I don't want to at all. I really could use the afternoon off...I found out yesterday that basically all the work I did Friday broke something so I feel a bit defeated by this mess of an application I support. I'd rather be in Cancun...I seriously need to book that trip.

A story about Dick & Jane

2011-04-26T22:12:00.001-05:00

For the past year Dick spent much of it lost and confused. No matter what he was doing, he was somewhere else...heart, mind & soul. For months he let regret tear at him piece by piece as he watched his own sanity get stripped from him. The world was continuing to spin, but he kept running backwards trying to get back to a place he knew and was comfortable. In that place he could find peace and love and understanding. But Jane had other thoughts in mind, and no matter what she said or did Dick still believed. He believed that he could be enough. Several months passed, Dick becoming ever more despondent, Jane becoming ever more defiant. It eventually came to pass that Dick could no longer stand it. He stopped calling or trying to be there. Jane was moving on and he knew he must carry on and move with the earth because gravity was gonna keep him on it no matter what he did. The communication became infrequent and the feeling in it felt hollow.

One night, as Dick sat awake, his phone rang. It was Jane. It took strength for him to even pick it up. As the conversation started, it became more and more apparent to Dick that all he had done was for the best. As it went on, he listened to one of the only people he felt he knew tell him about her new found experiments with drugs. Stories of ecstasy and cocaine and depression and fear that made his heart just cringe. To hear Jane tell him how she wanted so badly to be with the person she was with, but she didn't know how to have that without drugs. In response, Dick yelled over the phone in an angry tirade. And then, he did the only thing he could, he told her what she'd have to do to make it better and still have what she wanted. To this day, Dick doesn't wanna know what happened as that world kept turning. He'll stop and think about from time to time. Or maybe he'll stop & think about glimpses of better times that seem to slip right from his grasp.

Boycott cocaine

Mission Tejas trip with the fam

2011-03-20T18:59:00.001-05:00

Friday: a drive through the forest (wish I had my car), lots of fire, good fajitas, cold beer, glow in the dark frisbee, word games with brandon :-)

Saturday: lots of hiking (ok maybe like 3 miles total but it felt like a lot). drove to the nearest dry county for more drinks (then drove to the next nearest county). Drove halfway through the Davy crockett national forest to circle back to find an overlook that no longer "over" looks (trees don't stop growing for our pleasure). More word games with brandon and some beer drinking and fire starting (yes the prescribed kind).

Sunday: packed up camp and headed home. Stopped for a bite at the salt lick then took B home.

I may end up in the woods again next weekend.

ah, they cut me

2011-03-05T22:41:00.001-06:00

i will never we awake during surgery again. surprised i didn't have a heart attack!

sing me a song about ol' san antone

2011-03-04T07:23:00.003-06:00

Fucking LOVE Texas...and on to other news...woke up to a song about "i wanna check you for ticks" this morning...i haven't had a tick in a loooonnnnnggggg time...those little fuckers suck. all with their head all attached and shit and some big blood sack taking the life right out of ya. all God's creatures have a purpose though..and that's theirs..to steal your blood and give you lime disease.

that mass is apparently "lipoma" and it's coming out today. a fatty tumor. yum, it's what's for dinner. i don't think i'll be trying to bring this home like i did my tonsils.

can't wait to see B...he better start keeping up with his damn homework or i'll be in the doctor next time for coronary work.

haha, i removed the ads...my blog is sooo popular that it had 3 views in a week or 2 or whatever and generated $0 for me..bummer...and just means my brother sucks for not clicking ads ;-)

A surgical evaluation

2011-02-28T21:52:00.001-06:00

Well, turns out that this weekend I either got a hernia or a torn muscle or something. Right now all they know is there is a mass just under my rib cage that is too high for a hernia but the can't rule it out. More to come. I just want to workout and I quit smoking.

what happens in vegas, stays in vegas...BUT...

2011-02-15T20:18:00.003-06:00

what happens in cancun is...an international incident!

picked up my prize package today...airfare, 4 complimentary in flight drinks, 2 president club passes, all courtesy of continental airlines and 2 days/3 nights at riu caribe in cancun! and if you've never heard of an in room liquor DISPENSER ?!?! i'm saving for my generous...well, we'll call them tips, not bribes, already.

blackout dates currently till april 24....oh can't wait!

give me a toot, i'll sell you my sooouuulll

2011-02-14T23:16:00.001-06:00

coming soon...ads...cuz why the hell not. maybe google will send me a dollar here and there.

I won a trip, i won a trip, i won a trip HEY HEY HEY

2011-02-14T22:47:00.001-06:00

I sign up for just about every contest the have on kvet. Concerts, trips, you name it. I WON A TRIP TO CANCUN!

Home sweet home

2011-02-12T02:03:00.001-06:00

Now I just need sleep sweet sleep

ah, so tired

2010-09-20T23:11:00.001-05:00

worked out hard tonight. ran about 3 miles, did a bunch of abs and some weights, then had some healthyish subway. i hope it helps me sleep good tonight.

a new mobile client

2010-09-18T16:19:00.001-05:00

seems simple enough for posting at least, which is all I need.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.9

the hero breathes new life

2010-07-23T13:31:00.011-05:00

well, i'm super bored and been jacking with my phone a lot lately. i finally got it running just how i like...at least until something better comes along (android 2.2?). i found a good ROM, darchdroid 2.7, and added the darkstar theme, as well as tons of apps that i'll probably rarely use half of. it's made me fall in love with my phone all over again, and so i figured i'd post screen shots of what my phone looks like lol

On the road of life it's full of surprises, twists and turns, we look toward the sky for some guidance

2010-06-22T22:50:00.008-05:00

and so what's been going on with my road?

my softball team? 0-4. i have 2 pulled quads, and i get out there and run my hardest, feeling every bit of burn and pain.

my personal life? you put your left foot in, you put your left foot out, you put your left foot in, and you shake it all about...and hopefully, there's not a giant blender in the middle, right?

my work life? work is honestly the least important aspect of my life. obviously it has it's place, but in order of where it stands, it's not very high up on the list.

what have i learned about myself lately? patience is hard. exhaustion makes me horribly irritable. and wow, that list could go on and on.

the last week has been a great one. wouldn't trade it for the world right now. but, one day at a time right? take each moment as it comes, and cherish it, good and bad. learn from it, and try to adjust as quickly as possible to the next moment because you have no idea what may come.

and on a light note? well, great wolf lodge is a ton of fun if you can ever afford to go, then there's nothing like a water park where you don't need sunscreen! i got to share that experience with 3 of my favorite people in the world, and it was a blast. and i only hope i can have similar experiences again.

I've gotta get outta this place

2010-06-10T20:45:00.001-05:00

If it's the last thing I ever do. Next week, I'm going to try and refinance my car and get my credit card transferred to something with 0% for a year on transfers. That, along with my WAY cheaper insurance and one of my 401k loans getting paid off should put me in a pretty good starting place. I can't believe my insurance company was ripping me off so bad. $900/yr is not just some weird occurrence. That's a huge difference. Those things cover 2 of my wants. The 3rd thing I want is much more complex. But that 3rd one, bliss.

oh, the things i could write

2010-06-03T07:15:00.003-05:00

they would and could be many. but sometimes, maybe some things are better left unsaid. but i did have a very bizarre dream last night. i will try to capture it as best as possible, without dragging on too long. it all started out, the best i remember, at my grandparents house. and it seems i've dreamed of something like this before. i was there, along with others. and for some reason we decided to go in this room that is walled in at their house. and we went through basically a false wall, and there was a dining room. it held maybe 5 or 6 tables with a few chairs each. and it was old and untouched. there were cobwebs and dust. and i talked of how the room had always been there and noone really knew of why it was walled off. so then, the dream began to take a turn. i could hear a lot of talking. i went out, and there was a man there, and he was trying to get my grandparents bank account number and password. so i intervened, along with my dad, and we stood our ground that he was trying the wrong scam at the wrong house, and he needed to leave. so he left, and we followed. he proceeded down the street, and came upon a house with a couple pulling up, and he began to follow them to their door. and began talking to them. and i began telling the other man what the guys scam was. as they opened the door, their dog ran out, and the scam guy grabbed it and proceeded to walk in this couple's house. once inside he began asking for the same things and walking up their stairs and looking around. the husband made it clear that in no uncertain terms, he was not giving the scam guy what he wanted. the scam guy then made a comment, stating that he would throw in some free watermelon with it. at that point i knew this dream was taking a new turn. the husband began to go up the stairs, and grabbed the scam guy, and as his wife rushed out of the way, the husband threw the scam guy down the stairs and nearly clear across the room. but the husband came tumbling down the stairs too, and as he came to a stop, i looked and wondered where his other leg was. it was there, and the shin portion was folded in half, while the rest was laying along the side of the husbands chest and stomach. clearly a way a leg should not be. at that moment i forced myself to wake. it was so horrific for me to see. and i was very uneasy. and after realizing it all, i laid there finding it hard to go to sleep. but i learned this. the husband should not have handled things the way he did. he was not doing things God's way. he was taking matters into his own hands, and letting his anger control the situation. and i did not do the right way. i egged on the husband at the comment from the scam guy. i had to come to these conclusions, but then as i did, i began to calm down, and fell back asleep.

I had another dream earlier. it's a little more vague, and ultimately, i don't want to really write about it because it definitely hit a little closer to home in what little of it i can recall. all i will say on it, is that everything happens for a reason and i cannot control the world, only how i react to it. and that i will never wall out the love i now know i can feel and am capable of. i will never believe that i don't deserve a love so great.

i got a phone call. it felt good to be listened to. it felt good to communicate in a way that was good, and loving. it felt good to speak, and not be accusatory. it felt good to be listened to in a way that did not say i was being judgemental.

Yummy

2010-01-15T14:17:00.001-06:00

Contains no juice...

Loving the phone!

2009-12-09T21:03:00.001-06:00

There's a lot of setup but so worth it! And the battery life has been great today! Syncing with windows is a pain to setup...that's my only complaint but I got it working yay me!

This Blogger app needs to read my labels!

HTC hero!

2009-12-07T18:58:00.003-06:00

I freakin love my new phone. Just gotta adjust to the on screen keyboard. Also a ton of apps on android market to sort thru.

damn i love football season

2009-10-18T22:08:00.001-05:00

been some good games today (even for the NFL). i want to see the saints do something. not to mention the horns won. definitely not a very pretty game though, and it seems you could pretty much just skip the first half of their games and just watch the second half.

the weekend started with the house of torment. i did both parts…Brandon just did illusion manor. i didn’t think either was scary at all…not even close…but it was still cool. Denise was scared without even leaving the parking lot. i really think i want to go do the one they do that’s completely in the dark except for the glow stick they give your group.

i totally love this weather…beautiful…I'd definitely dig on some more rain though.

hmm….

2009-08-17T19:18:00.000-05:00

i guess one thing i can say with some real certainty is that I'm looking forward to Brandon's open house on Wednesday. other than that, i can’t be certain about anything. here’s a couple of pics i took at the zoo a few weeks ago that i like.

i don’t really have anything else nice to say.

wow…it’s been a while

2009-07-10T17:54:00.001-05:00

and you’re probably like…what’s been going on in the life of Duane? and what about Brandon? well, let’s see…we’ve been to six flags, camping for the 4th, to see Transformers 2 and some other things I will post about shortly.

what a week

2009-05-15T22:03:00.001-05:00

i have had quite a week. it’s seemed very busy, which is good….just it will take some getting used to for me. I'm exhausted! yesterday i went to lunch at Vivo’s over on Manor Rd. i had never been there and it was yummy. plus it was made even better because i got to have lunch with someone that i think is amazing. i may have a lot more to write on that soon.

this weekend should prove no less exhausting. b has a flag football tournament it turns out, and i have to be in georgetown at 8:15am for a while if they keep winning. after that it’s looking like we’ll be going down to san antonio to the zoo.

starting over..sort of

2009-05-12T17:53:00.001-05:00

well, I've started back on my working out this week. i have been slacking on it for FAR TOO LONG. yesterday i did a workout at home with some weights..nothing too crazy but just trying to get back into it. then today i hit the gym and mostly did cardio on the treadmill. it feels good. I'm really glad that i haven’t gone hog wild over the past several months. that means that from a weight perspective, I'm right where i was.

other than that, everything is great.

now on facebook

2009-05-10T09:06:00.001-05:00

i changed my facebook settings to show my blog…now i can put even more people to sleep!

mother’s day weekend

2009-05-09T23:45:00.002-05:00

today was awesome. woke up this morning and had to do a little bit of work…yes that wasn’t so awesome. but then my brother made a great breakfast, eggs and biscuits with sausage gravy. yummy.
after that we went to to the Industrial Street Bash in Denton. it was cool. not too many vendors or selection, but we did see one of the bands play. it was Highschool Caesar. they were good, and definitely made it worthwhile.
we then went to lunch at Mastergrill. it’s a Brazilian steak house. i had never been to one and it was definitely cool. ate lots of good, tasty meat. after lunch we came back to my brother’s and just chilled a bit.
then, it came time to journey to the speedway. a bunch of GTO’s were there and me with my Mazda and a couple of other cars. we all went out as a group on the track. it was awesome to drive my car around the track. we pretty much stuck to speeds around 90-120 mph for all 3 laps. it definitely ended WAY too quickly. i was so ready to go again. it would be awesome to be out there without a pace car, and being able to pass! i can completely see why drivers love to race. i know i love to race (and yes maybe that’s bad) but on that track it’s completely different.

*it’s a bit grainy but i had to improvise with a tripod and my camera till i can get the pic scanned
for dinner we ate at Palios Pizza Cafe. definitely some good pizza.

impatient

2009-05-05T07:03:00.001-05:00

that’s how i describe all of you. what’s the change? come on tell us. i don’t want to write about it all dang. i will. patience….you start out with 100% everyday, i just need 1% of it :P and no I'm not becoming Mormon, joining a cult, or pursuing my lifelong dream of career ballroom dancing.

today it was a good day

2009-05-04T22:22:00.001-05:00

dope song. anyways I've chosen to make a change in my life today for the better for me. it’s a good thing.

The first weekend in May

2009-05-03T08:59:00.000-05:00

This weekend has been good. Brandon is with me. Yesterday morning we woke up and went to my mom’s for breakfast and saw my peeps. Then Brandon had 2 flag football games. The first one was a make-up game and they won, the second they lost. Half the other team was at least a foot taller I swear. Today we are going to clean. I have a lot of cleaning to do. Hopefully we can knock it out and do something a little more fun after, though the laundry thing may present a problem with that.

unsatisfied

2009-04-30T20:15:00.002-05:00

and I'll just leave that open to interpretation

all work and no play makes Duane a dull boy

2009-04-29T23:12:00.002-05:00

so he went camping all this past weekend at the lake with a bunch of friends. didn’t sleep too well but it was ok. just drank a lot one night and woke up with a bad headache. it didn’t rain too much or anything. the new smaller tent i got worked well, though i think the Chinese got the measurements wrong. oh well. work is busy.

which is clearer, 1…or 2…1…or 2…

2009-04-22T17:06:00.003-05:00

went to the eye doctor today to get my eyes checked. my left eye is a little weaker than before but no significant changes. I also learned that my nerve opening is at about 40% full, normal is about 30% or less. it’s no big deal unless that % was to increase…then I'll probably go blind. Anyways, you’re asking yourself why this is blog worthy? well don’t i look good?

nah just goofing off….i got a new contacts prescription :P Ohh and get this...you don't need a Sam's card to get contacts from Sam's. I had no idea.

we got haircuts! yay!

2009-04-18T19:36:00.002-05:00

ok maybe I'm a little more excited than Brandon. He says he doesn’t like his, but it looks SOOOO much better. Also, he decided on it. I told the lady just to trim it a little and then she showed him some pictures and he chose a haircut.

*he’s not happy here because of his homework, not the haircut

**I finally reset the year on my camera…I'm sure the batteries will now need recharging soon!

cancelled games….

2009-04-18T13:34:00.002-05:00

well they cancelled Brandon’s game today so we’ve been completely lazy. mostly been playing Xbox. But, i need a haircut, and Brandon needs a trim for sure. so we’re going to go up to sports clips in a bit and have some women treat us well!

i really love g00gle

2009-04-18T00:06:00.002-05:00

in fact, i updated my profile, and added all my pics on picasa and started up a wishlist…and you can find it all by going to the links or the profile!!!

Friday night

2009-04-17T22:00:00.002-05:00

went and picked up B from his flag football practice tonight. they had it in his school gym because of all the rain today. i was squatting down against the wall and when i stood up, i got so light headed. I had to squat back down & recover. sucked but at least i didn’t pass out! anyways, we went and at cicis. that’s probably not good for me but i got full lol. I'm currently watching the nationwide race live from phoenix. lap 107 of 200. tomorrow Brandon has a game. i also got in transporter 2 from Netflix. maybe I'll watch that tonight but I am a bit tired.

there’s a lot going on at work. it’s keeping me very busy. I'm also considering joining our support team. I'd be the only person here if i did and would probably be lead for support over what i currently already support. I'm mostly considering it because I could learn about other apps. just something on my mind.

I need a haircut.

April showers?

2009-04-15T22:07:00.002-05:00

i guess lol. mostly just jacking with this live writer on my new computer. how about a picture?

i am …..

here

Loving my new computer

2009-04-11T13:38:00.002-05:00

I got a new computer. It’s a Dell Studio 15 laptop, replacing my 5 yr old frankenstein. It’s absolutely wonderful!